Marriages

“Marriages are made in Heaven and endured on Earth.”

Matrimony is one of the simple most, yet difficult relation. This single relation gives birth to many others. The other relations created by matrimony last for the lifespan, but sometimes matrimonial relation fails. Matrimony brings two biologically, emotionally and temperamentally different persons (mostly strangers in India) into the folds of one of the closest relation. Some sparks and abrasions are bound to fly.

Those having time to read the full article may do so but if short on time we directly come to the main topic of divorce. In most of the matrimonial disputes correct guidance and counselling at the onset or the beginning of it can nip the evil in the bud. Both husband and wives have expectations and dreams out of matrimony and it should remain that way. The journey of married life is full of milestones and stages, each one with its different set of joys and sorrows. It is in fact the journey of life itself. Happiness and contentment in married life means happiness and contentment in life for longer years. A good marriage can rectify many wrongs of the past of a human life including the childhood and lay the foundation of happy after years.

While everyone is chasing the goal of a happy married life, the recipe for same is not always easy to find. It is different for every individual couple. Married life begins from the point where most Bollywood movies end. It may well be said the people on board the sinking ship can rarely help themselves and the right solutions to save the situation have to be sought outside the marriage. We are aware of the circumstances of marriages turning ugly in a large number of instances due to varied circumstances and reasons.

In today’s times of nuclear families even very near relations come to know about the divorce only at final stages. Counselling from parents and in laws, who would be the persons most interested in saving a marriage are rarely able to render correct and timely advice due to a variety of limitations. The estranged couple does not share the situation early enough when it could still be steered out of a disastrous course, sometimes due to sickness or old age of parents, embarrassment and loss of face in case of marriages against the wishes of parents, love marriages etc. In a few cases the individuals facing the matrimonial discord do not want to bother the parents with their problems as grown- ups.

Even in situations where immediate family members and parents become aware well in time about the marriage turning towards a sour ending yet they are unbale to render correct advice being interested parties and having other factors in mind while advising the estranged couple about the real pros and cons of staying in or moving out of a marriage or how to take corrective steps to save one. Sometimes parents being from a different generation are unbale to understand the real concerns and expectations out of a marriage with changing times. And in some cases, they are simply not capable enough to render the correct steps.

We offer our assistance in matrimonial disputes counselling and mediation and sincere efforts towards saving the situation by sharing about what constitutes an average, good or bad marriage in different stages of married life. We also educate the spouse about the possible other side of the story and how people in other married lives under similar situations and circumstances as the case in hand act and behave. It is quite like telling a swimming student, gulping how much of water while learning is normal and what is beyond the limits. In a nut-shell we try to ascertain the just and fair limits of tolerance which must be exercised by each spouse and convince both about practising the same.

We also make an honest and sincere effort to apprise each spouse about beneficial and adverse consequences of staying in or out of a marriage and God forbid if nothing works out how to get out of the same amicably with least damage or losses to both the parties. We are keen to find the best solution without getting involved in lengthy and expensive legal battles in courts of law and pursuing of complaints before police authorities/ criminal courts.

Please click on the ‘Know if your Marriage is Really Headed for a Divorce or it is Otherwise’ button on the web site to connect with us on these matters.

Read full article……………… Philosophers and thinkers, who may well be called scientists of social engineering have also not been able to come out with definite deductions and findings on this most primitive and yet modern human relation. Some, mostly from West, say marriage is contract. Some say marriage is sacrament, a solemn duty and an obligation. Some call it one of the essential Dharmas. Some even call it a necessary evil.

There is one aspect which is very evident and clear from all these names. Each such names gives out an underlying theme of entering into a wed lock. The ones who call it a contract profess that marriages be entered into in a similar way as one would enter into a contract, with sets of obligations and benefits for each participant. Participants in the Indian context mean whole lot of near relatives and the immediate family. In India, it is practically two families not merely two individuals who get married. The amount of chaos which this new relationship can create and sometimes it does, crosses the limits of imagination leading to disastrous consequences for the parties. Still the number of divorces in India, though rising is one of the lowest, as also true in few other conservative societies.

Off late matrimonial disputes have increased manifolds as compared to the past. The following reasons are being attributed to the surge of divorces in India:–

  1. Reduced level of tolerance for the spouses.

  1. Financial independence of women.

  1. Discontinuance of society mindset that treated divorce as a stigma especially towards women.

  1. Emergence of nuclear families and no exposure to joint families’ environment.

  1. Lack of devotion and fidelity in matrimony.

  1. Unrealistic expectations of youth from marriage especially amongst the women.

  1. Males inability to curb bachelor lifestyle post marriage.

  1. Reduced legal difficulties in obtaining divorce and easier prospects of remarriage.

  1. The emergence of delayed child, only child and no child practices amongst the new generation of married couples.

  1. Change in moral values and thoughts.

  1. Sexual and physical incompatibility.

  1. A general increase in attitude bordering ‘No Tolerance’.

  1. Interference from families of spouses and not letting the newly- wed couple the much needed privacy and inability to create conducive atmosphere to allow migration from son/daughter to a spouse role.

  1. Marrying for physical appearance and financial status rather than values and mutual compatibility.

  1. Lack of contentment. Even in stable marriages at times people get out of matrimony for adventure, desires and fresh set of yearnings after the earlier ones are fulfilled.

Matrimonial discords are like accidents of a journey which almost everyone begins on a happy and positive note. The modern man does not believe in working of destiny. He thinks that it is he who has chosen his marriage partner. The destiny begins its working with the operation of the Law of Karma since the remotest past of an individual also called ‘Prarabdha’ as per Sanatan Hindu belief. The good, bad or neutral part of the Karmic collection which deals with matrimonial aspects of human life, is delivered through the spouse of a person whether male or female. The writer of this piece is a believer of Law of Karma as interpreted as per the beliefs of the Sanatan Hindu Dharma. The readers may have their own belief systems which may be better justifications of the events in a human being’s life.

In almost all the cultural systems the process of marriage is addressed as match making which practically means that we are looking for a princess for a prince, vice a versa, so on and so forth. Why we look for a match has the genesis in the law of karma. Living together in sickness or health, in good times or bad, two souls are bound to and should have spill over of one’s joys, sorrows, sufferings and miseries to the other. It would serve the purpose best, if the spouses were a match having similarly placed karmic collections in their accounts which are ready to fruition in the current birth. The natural order of things desires and strives to ensure that the spouses enjoy bodily and materialistic pleasures and their miseries and pains together through the systems and norms and built into every good society.

For various reasons and most of them just, reasoned and well founded, the society is keen to see the marriages last. That is why all the mechanism of a society whether it be family, social, judicial or Government are not too keen approve divorces with ease and smoothness. Stronger the family system in a society, bigger the hurdles to a divorce- and rightly so.

Even the writer of this article believes in stability of marriages so far as the same does not jeopardise the safety and well- being of either of the spouses and is still capable of delivering some degree of benefits and pleasures to both the participants. Many a times, holding on a little longer dissolves the circumstances threatening the continuity of an otherwise ok marriage. There is another great factor which tilts the scale in favour of holding on. Sometimes the circumstances and destiny so ripen that a person has to go through the miseries and tribulations in his or her life at a particular time or even for a longer duration. It is a natural human tendency to look for someone, whom one can attribute all the pains and miseries which have otherwise been crafted by destiny and karmic collections. In many cases people have stepped out matrimony and met similar fate with the next partner more than even once.

 It surely requires a very fine judgment to tell a bad spouse from good and even greater to discern a bad marriage from adverse circumstances. Just as we do not expect patients to diagnose their own illness, couples facing matrimonial disharmony either waste their lives in a relation which is beyond retrieval or jump their way through divorce only to regret later for not holding on a bit longer with minor course correction. Sometimes what the couples need is advice and counselling in balancing priorities, however they land up in the divorce proceedings far too soon. Divorce lawyers and court proceedings are the last remedies and not the first. There are no thumb rules to save a marriage for each marriage is unique. Also, there is always an amicable way to end a marriage with least collateral damage and Win- Win settlement for all the parties.

Please click on the ‘Know if your Marriage is Really Headed for a Divorce or it is Otherwise’ button on the web site to connect with us on these matters.